Author: Fr. John

One day Pierre went to Boudreaux’s house and Boudreaux was working on a jigsaw puzzle.

A year later, Pierre again visits Boudreaux and Boudreaux is still working on the puzzle.

Another year after that, Pierre went to Boudreaux’s to go fishing with him.
Boudreaux comes out of the house and says “Mais Pierre, I’m so proud of myself, I finally finished dat puzzle and it only took me two years!”

Pierre says “Mais, Boudreaux, I don’t tink dat it should take you dat long!” Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 21 RCL C – “Decision Time””

A brother whom another brother had wronged came to see Abba Sisoes and said to him, “My brother has hurt me and I want to avenge myself.” The old man pleaded with him saying, “No, my child, leave vengeance to God.” The brother said to him, “I shall not rest until I have avenged myself.” The old man said, “Brother, let us pray.” Then the old man stood up and said, “God, we no longer need you to care for us, since we exact justice for ourselves.”

Today in our Gospel we read the parables of the lost sheep and the lost coin, which Jesus tells in response to the Pharisee’s criticism: “This fellow welcomes sinners and eats with them.” The parable of the coin less so, but the parable of the lost sheep is probably one of the most familiar and iconic. All those pictures of Jesus walking along with a young white lamb on his shoulders. Simply put, in both parables, we understand that the lost sheep or coin represent the sinners, and it is Jesus who comes to find them. Luke 19:10 – “For the Son of Man came to seek out and to save the lost.” When they are found, when they come to faith, there is a great celebration, for in being found, they are forgiven. They have been restored to God. God forgives out of his great love and mercy, but we… sometimes we can be very stingy in giving that forgiveness and sometimes we say with the young monk, “I shall not rest until I have avenged myself.” Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 19 RCL C – “Lost Sheep””

Little Johnny was out in his backyard. He had his baseball cap, his baseball knickers, and his socks pulled up to his kneecaps. He had his plastic bat and plastic ball. His mother overheard him as he announced, “I am the greatest hitter in the world.”

He threw the ball up in the air, swung the bat, and missed the ball completely. He said aloud, “Strike one.”

He picked the ball up and said a little louder, “I am the greatest hitter in the world.”

He threw the ball up again, swung, and again, missed the ball. He said, “Strike two.”

He stopped to examine his bat. Satisfied there was no hole in it , he retrieved the ball and said with determination, “I am the greatest hitter in the world.”

He threw the ball up a little higher than before, got set, and then swung the bat with all his might. He missed. “Strike three,” he said, and then added, Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 18 RCL C – “The Greats””

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, “Religion?”

The man says, “Methodist.”

St. Peter looks down his list and says, “Go to Room 24, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.”

Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. “Religion?”

“Lutheran.”

“Go to Room 18, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.”

A third man arrives at the gates. “Religion?”

“Episcopalian.”

“Go to Room 11, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.”

The man says, “I can understand there being different rooms for different denominations, but why must I be quiet when I pass Room 8?” Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 17 RCL C – “Take a Seat””

A lawyer purchased a box of 24 very expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month he had smoked them all and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the insurance policy, filed a claim. He stated the cigars were lost ‘in a series of small fires.’ Obviously the insurance company refused to pay. The lawyer sued and won! The judge agreed that the lawsuit was frivolous, but stated nevertheless, the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable ‘fire’ and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for the cigars lost in the ‘fires’.

However, the lawyer’s celebration was brief. Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 16 RCL C – “Technicalities””

Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes.

Morris shouted across the garage, “Hey DeBakey! Is dat you? Come on ova’ here a minute.”

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car. Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, “So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at dis here work. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind ’em, put in new parts, and when I finish dis baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get da big bucks, when you an’ me is doing basically da same work?” Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 15 RCL C – “Truth and Humility””