On Bad Sermons

BARCHESTER TOWERS (Chapter VI), by Anthony Trollope (1857)

There is, perhaps, no greater hardship at present inflicted on mankind in civilized and free countries than the necessity of listening to sermons. No one but a preaching clergyman has, in these realms, the power of compelling an audience to sit silent and be tormented. No one but a preaching clergyman can revel in platitudes, truisms, and untruisms, and yet receive, as his undisputed privilege, the same respectful demeanour as though words of impassioned eloquence, or persuasive logic, fell from his lips. … But no one can rid himself of the preaching clergyman. He is the bore of the age, the old man whom we Sindbads cannot shake off, the nightmare that disturbs our Sunday’s rest, the incubus that overloads our religion and makes God’s service distasteful. We are not forced into church! No: but we desire more than that. We desire not to be forced to stay away. We desire, nay, we are resolute, to enjoy the comfort of public worship, but we desire also that we may do so without an amount of tedium which ordinary human nature cannot endure with patience; that we may be able to leave the house of God without that anxious longing for escape which is the common consequence of common sermons.

I pray my sermons never fall into such a category!  (Although it may be pride that makes me think they haven’t!!)

Sermon: Proper 8 RCL C – “Wild Horse”

Daniel Webster was apparently quick with words from a very young age. One day Webster’s father, who was to be absent from home, left Daniel and his brother Ezekiel specific work instructions. But on his return he found the task still undone, and questioned his sons about their idleness. “What have you been doing, Ezekiel?” he asked. “Nothing, sir.” “Well, Daniel, what have you been doing?” “Helping Zeke, sir.”

Making excuses goes all the way back to the very first days of humankind. The Lord asked Adam, “‘Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?’  The man said, ‘The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit from the tree, and I ate.’  Then the Lord God said to the woman, ‘What is this that you have done?’ The woman said, ‘The serpent tricked me, and I ate.’” Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 8 RCL C – “Wild Horse””

Sermon: Proper 7 RCL C – “Afraid”

Photo by: Greg Rakozy

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.” Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. “Did you say that?”, he hissed at the parrot.

“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”

The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”

“Moses,” replied the bird. Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 7 RCL C – “Afraid””

Sermon: Proper 6 RCL C – “What do you see?”

A young woman asked for an appointment with her pastor to talk with him about a besetting sin about which she was worried. When she saw him, she said, “Pastor, I have become aware of a sin in my life which I cannot control. Every time I am at church I begin to look around at the other women, and I realize that I am the prettiest one in the whole congregation. None of the others can compare with my beauty. What can I do about this sin?”

The pastor replied, “Mary, that’s not a sin, why that’s just a mistake!”

The stereoscope. I’ve never owned one, but I’ve seen and played with one. You may have also, but just didn’t know its name. The first one was invented in 1838. It looks a bit like a pair of binoculars with a stick running out the front of it and a bracket to place a card that has two images of the same setting side-by-side, but at just slightly different angles. By looking through the eyepieces at the photos, it plays a bit of a trick on the mind, making the image appear three dimensional. That little contraption has made quite a few advancements. Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 6 RCL C – “What do you see?””

Sermon: Proper 5 RCL C – “A Bear Comes a Calling”

A fella from Alaska was out deer hunting when a large grizzly bear charged him from about 50 yards away. The guy emptied his 7mm Magnum semi-automatic rifle into the bear and it dropped a few feet from him. The big bear was still alive so he reloaded and shot it several more times. The bear was just over 1,600 pounds. It stood 12′ 6′ high at the shoulder, 14′ to the top of his head. At the time, it was the largest grizzly bear ever recorded in the world.

Of course, the Alaska Fish and Wildlife Commission did not allow him keep it as a trophy, but the bear was stuffed and mounted, and placed on display at the Anchorage airport to remind tourists of the risks involved when in the wild. Based on the contents of the bears stomach, the Fish and Wildlife Commission established the bear had killed at least two humans in the 72 hours before it was killed including a missing hiker. Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 5 RCL C – “A Bear Comes a Calling””

Sermon: Justin Martyr

Do something new in the church for the first time and everyone thinks that it is a novel idea. Do something twice in a church and you have established a firm tradition. Do something three times in a church and you have created an event so sacred, that should you alter it in anyway, you’ll have a church fight on your hands.

Just a few weeks ago we talked about the Book of Common Prayer and how it has been handed down to us. The first was in 1549. Yet, even Thomas Cranmer and the other contributors were not simply making it up as they went along, because many of the traditions of the liturgy had been handed down to them. Continue reading “Sermon: Justin Martyr”

Sermon: Pentecost RCL C – “Burning”

photo by Peter John Maridable

A young man had a vision: he had been walking along a country road, enjoying the beautiful weather. As he passed a certain pasture he was astounded to see a ladder in the center of the field extending all the way to heaven. Determined to see more of this glorious thing, he approached and encountered an angel standing at the foot of the ladder. He watched, and as other people came to the ladder, the angel would hand them a piece of chalk, and then they would begin climbing.

Finally, gathering up his courage, the young man approached the angel and asked what was going on. The angel explained: the ladder leads directly to heaven and all you must do is climb it, but on each rung of the ladder, you must use this piece of chalk to write down one of your sins. When you have written them all down, then you may continue to heaven unimpeded. Following the explanation, the angel asked, “Would you like a piece of chalk?” “Certainly!” the young man declared. And so he began, with each rung of the ladder he wrote down one of the sins that he had committed in his life. Continue reading “Sermon: Pentecost RCL C – “Burning””

Sermon: “That They May be One”

In the six hundredth year of Noah’s life, on the seventeenth day of the second month—on that day all the springs of the great deep burst forth, and the floodgates of the heavens were opened. And rain fell on the earth forty days and forty nights. And every living thing that moved on the earth perished, except those who were saved through the ark.

The story of Noah’s ark is probably one of the first Bible Stories that children learn. It takes place in chapters 7-10 of the book of Genesis. Beginning with chapter 11 we learn of the tower of Babel. All the people of the earth had the same language, they came together to make a name for themselves, and built a great city. In this city they decided to build a tower that would reach the heavens. God comes down, takes a peek, and says, “This will not do.” He scatters them by introducing the various languages into the world. Continue reading “Sermon: “That They May be One””

Sermon: Easter 7 RCL C – “Temples”

When I was in college, my goal was to make Donald Trump look like a pauper.

I had a dorm room to myself, and everyday I would sit in there and devour the Wall Street Journal trying to learn all I could about making loads-o-cash. I didn’t have posters of scantily clad women on my walls (although if Scarlett Johanssen… never mind), instead I had full page ads of initial public offerings that were advertised in the Journal. If an IPO ad was anything less than a full page, I didn’t put it up – they weren’t worth my time if they couldn’t afford or were too cheap for the full page.

Favorite movies at the time: The Secret of My Success with Michael J. Fox, and Wall Street with Michael Douglas – “Blue Horseshoe loves Anacott Steel.” I probably had less than three dollars in my checking account, but give me some room and I’d make my own movie.

The summer I graduated from college, I took a trip to New York City and had a perfect stranger take my picture in front of my temple, Trump Tower. I thought a name change to Toles Tower was not too far out of my reach.

Obviously, none of that came to pass; however, other than not being Daniel Craig good looking, I’m not at all disappointed with my life. I know exactly how blessed I am. In many ways I feel like I do make Donald Trump look like a pauper, just not the way that I had originally planned.

I had spent a great deal of time building these temples all around me and I was a busy little priest running around satisfying the needs of those I worshipped, but over the course of the years, those temples began to crumble, eventually turning into these great piles of rubble.

This past week on Wednesday night, we watched the last episode of In the Dust of the Rabbi, and we were taken to Didyma where the great temple of Apollo is located. The temple was massive. One hundred twenty-two columns, each over 60 feet tall and 8 feet thick, supporting a roof that reached a height of over 90 feet, and covering an area of approximately 60,000 square feet. Massive. Considering they didn’t have the benefit of our modern machinery – and even if they had! – it was impressive.

Our tour guide, Ray Vander Laan, talked about how much time it took to build such place and the amount of money that it would have cost. And then he showed us what it must have been like to walk into such a place, how the size of the temple alone would radiate this sense of power and awe. What remains today? There’s a picture of it on the front of your bulletin. Some parts still stand, but basically it is all rubble.

We, as the human race, are good at building temples. They are all around us. Not only do they come in the form of our goals or buildings, but we turn people into temples as well. For example, you can Google the “Twitter Counter.” This fun little web site tells you who has the most followers on the social networking site Twitter. Coming in at number 100 on the top 100 is Kevin Durant (It is sad, but I had to Google him. He’s a basketball player for the OKC Thunder). He has 13.6 million followers. Just above him was Paris Hilton.

Coming in at number 3 was Taylor Swift and number 2 (Dear Lord, please save us!) was Justin Bieber. And numero uno with 88 million followers – any guesses? Katy Perry. There are 88 million people who not only want to know, but need to know when she sneezes. Yes, we will build a temple out of and to anything. We will go there to worship, we will make the appropriate sacrifices, and we will give to support it. Yet, like the temple of Apollo, these too will crumble and turn into nothing more than rubble.

No. I’m not trying to suck the fun out of life. Life is a riot and filled with things to see, experience, and enjoy; and I hope you do just that. My goodness, if you happen to be a Justin Bieber fan, then go buy his records and get yourself a front row seat at his concert, but don’t make him the recipient or place of your worship.

While Cyrus was emperor of the Persian empire, on the southern border of the empire, there lived a great chieftain named Cagular who tore to shreds and completely defeated the various detachments of Cyrus’ army sent to subdue him.

Finally the emperor, amassing his whole army, marched down, surrounded Cagular, captured him, and brought him to the capital for execution. On the day of the trial, Cagular and his wife were brought to the judgment chamber. He was a fine looking man of more than 6 feet, with a noble manner about him, described as a magnificent specimen of a man. So impressed was Cyrus with his appearance, that he said to Cagular: “What would you do should I spare your life?”

“Your Majesty, if you spared my life, I would return to my home and remain your obedient servant as long as I lived.”

“What would you do if I spared the life of your wife?”

“Your Majesty, if you spared the life of my wife, I would die for you.”

So moved was the emperor that he freed them both and returned Cagular to his province to act as governor. Upon arriving at home, Cagular reminisced about the trip with his wife.

“Did you notice,” he said to his wife, “the marble at the entrance of the palace? Did you notice the tapestry on the wall as we went down the corridor into the throne room? And did you see the throne on which the emperor sat? It must have been carved from one lump of pure gold.”

His wife could appreciate his excitement and how impressed he was with it all, but she only replied: “I really didn’t notice any of that.”

“Well,” said Cagular in amazement, “what did you see?”

His wife looked seriously into his eyes and said, “I beheld only the face of the man who said he would die for me.”

John writes, in the opening verses of his Gospel, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  He was in the beginning with God.  All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being.”

Towards the end of his Revelation, John writes, “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more.  And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,
‘See, the home of God is among mortals.
He will dwell with them;
they will be his peoples,
and God himself will be with them;
he will wipe every tear from their eyes.
Death will be no more;
mourning and crying and pain will be no more,
for the first things have passed away.’”

Jesus was in the beginning before time began. When all things have passed away, when all things have turned to rubble, He will remain. As he said in our reading, “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.”

Like Cagular’s wife, there is no harm in taking notice of the “temples” around us, but we don’t go to them to worship. And we must never get so caught up in it all that we no longer behold the face of the One who not only said that He would die for us, but did truly die for us and rose again.

Jesus is the Alpha and the Omega. He is the beginning and end of all things, and he is the beginning and end of each of us. Temples will always be built, but over time, even the greatest ones will fall into rubble. Therefore, behold the face of the One who is eternal. Behold the face of the One who died and rose for you. Behold the face of Jesus, our resurrected Savior.

Let us pray: Lord, we believe in you: increase our faith. We trust in you: strengthen our trust. We love you: let us love you more and more. We are sorry for our sins: deepen our sorrow. We worship you as our first beginning, and long for you as our last end; we praise you as our constant helper, and call on you as our loving protector. Guide us by your wisdom, correct us with your justice, comfort us with your mercy, and protect us with your power. Through Christ our Lord, the Alpha and Omega, we pray. Amen.