
I don’t consider myself a bona fide marriage counselor, so I depend on other sources to help me give good advice. For example, I’m particularly fond of a Home Economics book from the 1950s. I believe it gets to the heart of the matter.
The section heading is “How to be a Good Wife.”
HAVE DINNER READY: Plan ahead… Most men are hungry when they come home, and having a good meal prepared is part of the warm welcome they need.
PREPARE YOURSELF: Greet him with a smile.
CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER: Make one last walk through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up children’s books and toys, papers, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he’s reached a haven of rest and order, and—as a bonus—it will give you a lift too.
PREPARE THE CHILDREN.
MINIMIZE ALL NOISE.
SOME “DO NOT’S”: Don’t greet him with problems or complaints. Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner. Consider this a minor issue compared to what he might have gone through that day.
MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE: Have a cold or warm drink ready for him… Allow him to relax and unwind.
LISTEN TO HIM.
MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Never complain if he doesn’t take you to dinner or other entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of stress and pressure, and his need to unwind and relax.
THE GOAL: TO MAKE YOUR HOME A PLACE OF PEACE AND ORDER WHERE YOUR HUSBAND CAN RELAX IN BODY AND SPIRIT.
Fellas, I’ll need some bodyguards following the service.
The truth is, we all need opportunities to rest and relax in body and spirit. In terms of our faith, such a rest is called a Sabbath.
As you know, keeping the Sabbath ranked in the top five of the top ten Laws of Moses—“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God.…Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.” (Exodus 20:8-9, 11b)
Philo of Alexandria was a Jewish philosopher who lived during the time of Jesus. Speaking of the Sabbath, he wrote, “On this day we are commanded to abstain from all work, not because the law inculcates slackness…. Its purpose is rather to give man relaxation from continuous and unending toil and by refreshing their bodies with a regularly calculated system of remissions to send them out renewed to their old activities. For a breathing spell enables not merely ordinary people but athletes also to collect their strength with a stronger force behind them to undertake promptly and patiently each of the tasks set before them.” (The Sabbath, p.14)
Rabbi Heschel tells us, “The Sabbath is not for the sake of the weekdays; the weekdays are for the sake of the Sabbath. It is not an interlude but the climax of living.” (Ibid.)
There is a great deal of writing on the Sabbath, so this is very much an oversimplification, but it is a gift—a gift from God. It is the opportunity for everyone to be renewed in body and spirit. We can see the Sabbath as just a Law, something that must be obeyed, but it’s so much more than that. It’s a Law that allows us to be with our God, but it’s also a Law because we need it. Our bodies need rest, as do our souls. A quote from St. Augustine I shared with you a few weeks back, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.” Not just at the end of our days, but each and every day.
From our Gospel reading: “Now Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues on the sabbath. And just then there appeared a woman with a spirit that had crippled her for eighteen years. She was bent over and was quite unable to stand up straight.” I’m certain that this woman would have been thrilled with a weekly Sabbath free from her crippling pain. One day out of seven to rest and relax from it is better than none; however, what she truly needed was a daily Sabbath, a lifetime Sabbath from her burden, and she received it. “When Jesus saw her, he called her over and said, ‘Woman, you are set free from your ailment.’ When he laid his hands on her, immediately she stood up straight and began praising God.”
We also know that these signs and miracles of Jesus are multidimensional—they are healings, but they also point toward something even greater. Therefore, in this case, we could also say that the woman was burdened not with a physical malady but a spiritual one. We could say she was burdened with sin or the shame and guilt of sin or even the anger caused by another’s sin. We could say that she had been carrying this spiritual malady for so long that her soul was bent from the burden. Just like the physical issue, she would rejoice over one day of freedom, but what she truly needed was a lifetime Sabbath. Her entire life needed to find rest, and this, too, Jesus would give her. “Woman, you are set free from your ailment.”
Is that possible? Can a soul have a lifetime Sabbath from its burdens? St. Augustine tells us, “Our soul is weighed down by sin as by a burden. When it turns to You, Lord, it finds rest, for it finds forgiveness.” (Confessions, X.28) And St. Gregory of Nyssa writes, “True Sabbath is when the soul looks no longer at its own sins, nor is burdened with the memory of evil, but rejoices in the good alone.”
Yes, it is possible to have a lifetime Sabbath from those things that burden our souls, and our souls need it. Just as our bodies break down without rest, so do our souls.
A professor walks to the front of the class and holds up a glass of water. She asks, “How heavy is this glass of water I’m holding?”
The students begin shouting out answers.
After a few guesses, she says, “From my perspective, the absolute weight of this glass doesn’t matter. It all depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute or two, it’s fairly light. If I hold it for an hour straight, its weight might make my arm ache a little. If I hold it for a day straight, my arm will likely cramp up and feel completely numb and paralyzed, forcing me to drop the glass to the floor. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it feels to me.”
She continues, “Your stresses and worries in life are very much like this glass of water. Think about them for a while, and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer, and you begin to ache a little. Think about them all day long, and you will feel completely numb and paralyzed—incapable of doing anything else until you drop them.” (Source)
Stresses and worries, carried for too long, can make you completely numb and paralyzed. Sin, the shame and guilt of sin, the anger at another’s sin, can do the exact same thing. It can burden and cripple your soul. The weight, carried for too long, is too much. You need a Sabbath rest from it, but not just for a day. You need to live a Sabbath life, resting in Jesus. How do we rest in Jesus? Peter says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7) We find rest in Jesus by coming before our Lord and, with gratitude in our hearts, placing our burdens—the sin, the pain, the evil—in His strong hands. In doing so, we will hear the words of Jesus, “You are set free from your ailment.”
Jesus said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest—I will give you a lifetime Sabbath. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest—Sabbath—for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)
My marriage counseling might not be up to snuff, but this I know to be true:
“Cast your burden on the Lord,
and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
the righteous to be moved.” (Psalm 55:22)
Jesus died on the Cross and rose again, not only so that on the last day you might have an eternal Sabbath in Him, and not only so that you might have a Sabbath rest one day a week. Jesus died and rose again so that you might have a Sabbath in Him all the days of your life. “Cast your burden on the Lord,” so that you “may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10b)
Let us pray:
Lord Jesus,
in our weariness and burdens, we come to You.
In Your gentle heart, we find rest.
Teach us to walk in Your humility
and to trust in Your love.
Yoke our lives to Yours, that we may carry our trials with grace,
knowing You are beside us.
Calm our restless souls, and let Your peace dwell within us.
In You alone is our refuge, our strength, and our home.
Amen.








