Category: Sermons

Posted on

Sermon: St. Andrew and the Blessing of the Columbarium

Many a rednecks last words can be summed up in the simple phrase, “Dude, hold my beer.” Others’ last words range from the humorous to the sad to the profound.

Murderer James W. Rodgers was put in front of a firing squad in Utah and asked if he had a last request. He replied, “Bring me a bullet-proof vest.”

Humphrey Bogart said, “I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.”

At the deathbed of Joan Crawford, a housekeeper began to pray. Joan snapped, “Dammit… Don’t you dare ask God to help me.”

Recognizing that he would die before being able to reverse the official state endorsement of Christianity, Emperor Julian proclaimed, “You have won, O Galilean.”

Voltaire, when asked by a priest to renounce Satan is reported to have said, “Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.” Continue reading “Sermon: St. Andrew and the Blessing of the Columbarium”

Posted on

Sermon: Advent 1 RCL A- “Waiting”

Thibideaux took his pet duck to the veterinary clinic, and laid its limp body on the table. The doctor pulled out his stethoscope, listened to the duck’s chest for a moment, then shook his head sadly. “I’m sorry, but your duck has died.”

“What?” Thibideaux screamed, “You haven’t even done any tests! I want another opinion.”

The vet left the room and returned in a few moments with a Labrador retriever. The retriever sniffed the duck on the table carefully from head to toe. Finally, the retriever shook its head and barked once. The Vet shook his head and said, “Not looking good.”

Next, the vet took the Labrador away and returned a few minutes later with an old gray cat, which also sniffed carefully over the duck on the table before shaking its head and saying, “Meow.”

“Nope,” said the vet. “This here duck is dead.” Then he handed Thibideaux a bill for $600. Thibideaux shook the bill at the vet. “$600! Just to tell me my duck is dead?! That’s outrageous!” Continue reading “Sermon: Advent 1 RCL A- “Waiting””

Posted on

Sermon: All Saints’ Sunday

“I now observed — with what horror it is needless to say — that its nether extremity was formed of a crescent of glittering steel, about a foot in length from horn to horn; the horns upward, and the under edge evidently as keen as that of a razor. Like a razor also, it seemed massy and heavy, tapering from the edge into a solid and broad structure above. It was appended to a weighty rod of brass, and the whole hissed as it swung through the air.” The unnamed narrator used those words to describe the pendulum in Edgar Allen Poe’s, The Pit and the Pendulum. On the whole, a very good Halloween story, but I’ll not scare you with the entire tale today. There is, however, a pendulum story that I will. Continue reading “Sermon: All Saints’ Sunday”

Posted on

Sermon: Alfred the Great

I will preface this sermonette on Albert the Great by telling you I have two long quotes. Longer than I should read, but too good to omit. One describes Alfred and other is a prayer he wrote.

In 849, Alfred was the fourth son born to the West Saxons’ king. Being the fourth son, he was never expected to rise to the throne; however, during his father’s life and his own, there was an ongoing war with the Vikings, which led to the death of his father and brothers, eventually leading to Alfred ascending the throne. Off the battlefield – and even on for that matter – he was a very devout man and did much good for his people, but it was in 886 that he accomplished what no other king in England had ever done: he united England. Continue reading “Sermon: Alfred the Great”

Posted on

Sermon: Proper 21 RCL C – “Decision Time”

One day Pierre went to Boudreaux’s house and Boudreaux was working on a jigsaw puzzle.

A year later, Pierre again visits Boudreaux and Boudreaux is still working on the puzzle.

Another year after that, Pierre went to Boudreaux’s to go fishing with him.
Boudreaux comes out of the house and says “Mais Pierre, I’m so proud of myself, I finally finished dat puzzle and it only took me two years!”

Pierre says “Mais, Boudreaux, I don’t tink dat it should take you dat long!” Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 21 RCL C – “Decision Time””

Posted on

Sermon: Wednesday / Feria

Have you ever read this parable and simply responded, “Huh?” “Then the master commended the dishonest steward for his prudence.” Something just does not seem to be making sense here.

Julian the Apostate, a forth century Roman emperor wrote that this parable, “Showed the inferiority of the Christian Faith and its founder [Jesus]” by promoting such evil. Yet, a closer examination demonstrates that Jesus is not commending the steward for lying and stealing, but instead for being shrewd, for thinking. Remember Jesus says, “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” Continue reading “Sermon: Wednesday / Feria”

Posted on

Sermon: Proper 19 RCL C – “Lost Sheep”

A brother whom another brother had wronged came to see Abba Sisoes and said to him, “My brother has hurt me and I want to avenge myself.” The old man pleaded with him saying, “No, my child, leave vengeance to God.” The brother said to him, “I shall not rest until I have avenged myself.” The old man said, “Brother, let us pray.” Then the old man stood up and said, “God, we no longer need you to care for us, since we exact justice for ourselves.”

Today in our Gospel we read the parables of the lost sheep and the lost coin, which Jesus tells in response to the Pharisee’s criticism: “This fellow welcomes sinners and eats with them.” The parable of the coin less so, but the parable of the lost sheep is probably one of the most familiar and iconic. All those pictures of Jesus walking along with a young white lamb on his shoulders. Simply put, in both parables, we understand that the lost sheep or coin represent the sinners, and it is Jesus who comes to find them. Luke 19:10 – “For the Son of Man came to seek out and to save the lost.” When they are found, when they come to faith, there is a great celebration, for in being found, they are forgiven. They have been restored to God. God forgives out of his great love and mercy, but we… sometimes we can be very stingy in giving that forgiveness and sometimes we say with the young monk, “I shall not rest until I have avenged myself.” Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 19 RCL C – “Lost Sheep””

Posted on

Sermon: Proper 18 RCL C – “The Greats”

Little Johnny was out in his backyard. He had his baseball cap, his baseball knickers, and his socks pulled up to his kneecaps. He had his plastic bat and plastic ball. His mother overheard him as he announced, “I am the greatest hitter in the world.”

He threw the ball up in the air, swung the bat, and missed the ball completely. He said aloud, “Strike one.”

He picked the ball up and said a little louder, “I am the greatest hitter in the world.”

He threw the ball up again, swung, and again, missed the ball. He said, “Strike two.”

He stopped to examine his bat. Satisfied there was no hole in it , he retrieved the ball and said with determination, “I am the greatest hitter in the world.”

He threw the ball up a little higher than before, got set, and then swung the bat with all his might. He missed. “Strike three,” he said, and then added, Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 18 RCL C – “The Greats””

Posted on

Sermon: Proper 17 RCL C – “Take a Seat”

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, “Religion?”

The man says, “Methodist.”

St. Peter looks down his list and says, “Go to Room 24, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.”

Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. “Religion?”

“Lutheran.”

“Go to Room 18, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.”

A third man arrives at the gates. “Religion?”

“Episcopalian.”

“Go to Room 11, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8.”

The man says, “I can understand there being different rooms for different denominations, but why must I be quiet when I pass Room 8?” Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 17 RCL C – “Take a Seat””

Blog at WordPress.com.