All

As the high point of its annual picnic, a company rented two racing shells – racing rowing boats – and challenged a rival company to a rowing contest. The rival company accepted. On the day of the race and picnic, everyone entered into the spirit of the event, by dressing the part, and with the bands playing and banners waving, it was quite a festive occasion. Towards the end of the day, the two teams readied their boats and the race began. It was not much of a competition. The rival company immediately pulled ahead and never lost the lead, winning the race by 11 lengths. The management of the host company was embarrassed by its showing and promptly appointed a committee to place responsibility for the failure and make recommendations on how to improve their chances in a rematch the following year. The committee appointed several task forces to study various aspects of the race. They met for three months and issued a preliminary report. In essence, the report said that the rival crew had been unfair. Continue reading “Sermon: Epiphany 7 RCL A – “Be Perfect””

Have you ever wondered why particular warning labels were placed on products? For example:

On a baby stroller: Remove child before folding.

On a jet ski: Never use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level.

On a box of rat poison: Warning – has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.

On an iron: Do not use while wearing shirt.

Hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

Fishing hook: Harmful if swallowed.

And not to be outdone: The letter opener – Safety goggles recommended. I will probably put my eye out tomorrow with a letter opener for saying this, but if you have to wear safety goggles while using a letter opener, then you’ve got bigger problems than going blind. Continue reading “Sermon: Epiphany 6 RCL A – “Nibbling””

A little old Jewish lady sells pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young man leaves his office building at lunch time, and as he passes the pretzel stand, he leaves her a quarter, but never takes a pretzel. He doesn’t like them, but wants to support the lady and her business. Even though he is faithful in giving, the young man and the woman never exchange a word. This goes on for more than three years, each day, dropping in a quarter, but never taking a pretzel or speaking.  One day, as the young man passes the lady’s stand and leaves his quarter as usual, the pretzel lady finally speaks to him.  “Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has gone up to 35 cents.” Continue reading “Sermon: Epiphany 5 RCL A – “Salt””

After listening to this Gospel reading, don’t you think Jesus needs to get with the program? Seriously? Blessed are the poor. I don’t know that I’ve ever been poor, but I have been broke and that didn’t feel too blessed. I think a rewrite is in order for this particular passage of scripture. Maybe something like:

Blessed are the rich and famous, because they can always get a seat at the best restaurants.

Blessed are the good-looking, for they shall get to hang out with the Kardashians.

Blessed are those who take first place, for they shall have momentum going into the play-offs.

Blessed are the movers and shakers, for they shall be elected president.

Blessed are those who demand their rights, for they shall not be overlooked.

Blessed are the healthy and fit, because they don’t mind being seen in a bathing suit.

Yes. A rewrite is definitely in order. Continue reading “Sermon: Epiphany 4 RCL A – “Blessed are You!””

That summer, no one living along the bayou could catch any fish except old Boudreaux. Knowing Boudreaux, the game warden thought something might be up, so he asked him how he did it. Boudreaux told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day and show him. Once they got to the middle of the lake, Boudreaux took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the surface. Boudreaux took out a net and started scooping them up. When he had them all gathered, he looked back at the game warden who was just sitting there with his mouth opened, too stunned to even speak. Finally getting his wits back, he started hollering at Boudreaux, “You can’t fish like that. It is so illegal that I’m hauling you into jail this very moment.” Boudreaux sat there for a moment, then he took out another stick of dynamite, lit it, and handing it to the game warden asked, “You gonna fish or you gonna talk?” Continue reading “Sermon: Epiphany 3 RCL A – “Purpose””