I’m not one to finish a book that I don’t like. I can be in it a couple hundred pages and think to myself, “This just isn’t any good,” and put it on the shelf, never to be considered again. (I’ve even done that with a Stephen King book, but I may try that one again.) Last night, as I sat in my room at the monastery, I didn’t think it wasn’t good, I just thought I had done all I could do and I was ready for home, so I packed up and headed west.
I love serving God, His people, and His Church. I actually don’t know what I would be doing with my life if I was not a priest, but in the midst of all this COVID-19 business, I didn’t feel like I was being much of a priest. IT guy, audio and video guy, social media guy, hold down the fort guy… yes. At first, all this was new and fun to learn. It was a huge diversion from the things that I have been doing for the last fifteen years as a priest, but was I being a priest? I thought, no. Those aren’t priest things. Not only that, but the priest things were also taken away: no visiting, no services, no last rites, no anointing, no…. It felt like I was no longer a priest, so I thought I would head off somewhere that I believed would at least allow me the opportunity to feel priestly. Instead, I felt humiliated, defeated, stupid, wicked, and so far from God-when I compared myself to the monks-that I was unworthy.
To try and work through these things, I attempted to pray with the brothers. Y’all remember how I told you about taking French in high school and failing it? Yeah, well let’s just say my Latin is even worse. I spent all my time just trying to figure out where we were and little to no time actually praying, which only made me feel all the more ignorant and frustrated. (If you see someone new in our church, struggling to find the right page in the right book, do not hesitate… you go to them and you help them, even if you have to sit with them the entire service!) In addition (and I will not criticize the monastery), but when you do not feel welcome in a place (this probably has more to do with the nature of the monastery and not the heart of the monks), it makes it all the more difficult.
When I was in high school, I think maybe my senior year, I attended Christmas Eve Mass. It’s too long of a story to get into here, but before that service ever began, I walked out of the church and did not return for over a decade. Sitting through the morning offices on Monday, I encountered those same emotions, but I did not and do not want to walk away-never have!-but instead of wallowing in it, I sat through those services, just listening, and then that afternoon I went and prayed in the only way I really know how and it was there that I got to truly speak with Mary and then to my King, Lord, and Savior. He heard my cry… and he answered me.
IT guy, audio and video guy, social media guy, hold down the fort guy… yes. Priest… no.
No? “…who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14b)
Priest? Yes… for such a time as this.
Clear Creek Monastery was only a geographic location. For me, it was not very holy, welcoming, or special. However, along the Way, I encountered Jesus and we sat together in a green pasture during the cool of the day….
Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
When I knew these things, I closed the book before it was done, put it on the shelf, and drove home.
There are eight daily offices that the brothers pray here at the monastery: Mattins, Lauds, Prime, Terce, Sext, None, Vespers, and Compline. In 1549/1552, the first two editions of the Book of Common Prayer were released and it was through the edits of Thomas Cranmer that these offices were combined and simplified, with Mattins, Lauds, and Prime becoming what we know as Morning Prayer. All that to say—“When in Rome…” I am a happy heretic!, but I knew exactly what I was doing this morning.
The combining and shortening of the services may seem like cheating or even laziness to some, but I can see a great deal of wisdom in it as well. To pray the eight services as the monks do takes between five and six hours a day. That may work for those who have dedicated their lives to the work of prayer, but for those that must plant the fields, build the houses, work in hospitals… those things that all the rest of the world does in order to keep the world going… five to six hours a day in church just wouldn’t work. I suppose the hope is that everyone would simply say, “Prayer is more important and to heck with work,” but that’s not the way we roll. (I am reminded of 2 Thessalonians 3:10b) Instead, we would skip the prayer all together and do the other, which points to the wisdom of the combining and shortening of the services. Even as a priest, I don’t know that I could pull off five to six hours of prayer a day (maybe I should be), but I can give one to two hours a day with Morning, Noonday, Evening, and Compline. And, as I mentioned the other day, I may not be able to pray a fifteen decade Rosary everyday, but I can pray one that is five decades. Are we saying that prayer is not important or even less important than it should be? I don’t think so. The Book of Common Prayer has been around for five centuries and our Anglican tradition has produced some remarkable saints. A retreat like this is VERY good for the soul. It allows freedom to simply be with God without the external pressures of the world, but I believe God wants most of us out in the mix, not only doing the work of prayer, but doing the works of mercy, charity, and fulfilling the other duties of state. The Apostle Paul tells us that we are one body and that there are many gifts: the brothers here exercise those gifts in one way and we—outside the walls and the cloisters—exercise the gifts God has blessed us with. It is together that we form the Body of Christ.
As best I can tell, I am the only person here from Oklahoma. Some of the brothers are from France, California, and other foreign countries and the other nine guests are from Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Iowa, etc. The closest is one fella from Frisco, TX. I was not aware of this, but apparently it is a ‘thing’ to go to all the different monasteries. Many conversations along the lines of, “Have you been to ___ monastery in ___?” “The food in ___ monastery is really good, but they have a full time cook.” I don’t know that I would call them monk groupies, but they do know all the lingo, have the necessary books, and don’t appear to get lost in the services. Perhaps some are shopping around for one they would like to join, but I encountered one who goes from one to the next, working for awhile, then moving onto the next. He has actually travelled the world doing this. Also, the number of visitors at this monastery has increased considerably because of COVID-19. Many of the others have had to close, but Clear Creek has been fortunate so far. With guests coming from so far, I pray that they remain safe.
Apparently me going forward at communion has been a point of contention with some of the other guests (they’ve all figured out that I’m the odd one of the group.) What they did not realize until yesterday is that I have not been receiving (I know the rules), I just go forward for a blessing. Some folks get twisted up in their knickers knowing that they can’t receive in an RC church, but it has never bothered me. It is their house, but I am thankful that we offer the bread and the wine, the Body and and the Blood to any who are baptized (being baptized before receiving is a rule I stick with… we’ve all got our limits.)
In the image below, can anyone else hear Madonna singing Vogue? “Strike the pose…”
Next week she is not likely to speak to me. In addition to being left at the Cat Resort for ten days, on Friday she will be neutered, declawed, and chipped. If you see me with scratch marks all over my face, you’ll know that payback is an unhappy Queen. Perhaps I should get her that emerald tiara she’s been pestering me about (would make for a better peace offering than my arm.)
I pray you have joy. I pray you witness the miracles. Blessings.
We got to sleep in today. First service did not begin until 5:15 a.m. I was determined to follow along properly today, so I arrived ten minutes early and set my books for Vespers and Lauds. (The attentive student has just done a face palm.) We were ten minutes into the service, me desperately trying to figure out where the heck we were, when it hits me: Vespers is the night prayer. I needed to be set for Mattins and Lauds. It was then impossible for me to follow along with Mattins, because I didn’t even have the right book! Oy. (Again: note to self—remember what it must be like for those who come to the Episcopal Church for the first time.)
I have used the analogy to explain many different things, but it holds true here as well: learning to pray with the monks is like learning to pray the Rosary. At first you’re just trying to figure out the mechanics of it all (which bead is what and who’s on first) then learn the prayers, then put the two of those together, then—maybe—actually begin to worship. It is a complicated process. I keep kicking myself because I can’t seem to manage a full service, but honestly, I’m still on the first bead and trying to find my place on the page. Is Ok.
I know a fella who wanted to go for a walk with Mary. But on this day, when he found her along the way, she was not wanting to walk… she wanted to dance. She took both his hands in hers and like children, they danced in great skipping circles. They smiled, then they began to laugh. (The fella came close to laughing out loud and disturbing his neighbors!) Jesus joined them. Mary was on his right and the fella was on his left. All three holding hands in a circle. They danced, but after awhile, Mary left the two alone and the fella and Jesus sat in the long green grass. When he looked in Jesus’ eyes, the fella confessed his sins. Fully aware that the Lord knows all before he spoke, it was still difficult to say it all. The Lord heard his cry, he was forgiven, but the battle must continue. The fella does not like this battle, but…
I preached on the pearl of great worth a few Sundays back. Bishop Robert Barron believes that this pearl is the imago Dei within each of us and that when we discover God’s image that we were created in, then we will give up everything in order to attain it… to be restored to it. I keep thinking, in order to get to it, we must first find the oyster, crack through a hard outer shell, get through a good bit of messy stuff, and then… Occasionally, God will give us glimpses of the pearl. It is worth the search.
I’m hungry… prayers then lunch.
Hugh O’Donald (sp) was crowned King, so the Queen was not knocked about the head and neck too badly today during lunch. As they are still fighting (arguing at this point) I somehow doubt the peace will last.
Interesting that this battle should be raging as I have been reading about the parameters of “just war” as set forth by Thomas Aquinas. Jus ad bella (reasons behind a just war), jus in bella (morals while in war), and in the middle the “double effect” (the search for the intent, allowing that some evil / bad (accidents) may come through the seeking of a greater good (essence))…. I believe I have that right.
The “intent” is something that we have discussed a number of times and in discovering the intent we discover the sinfulness / righteousness of an action and to what degree. If you are speeding: were you speeding just for the heck of it, regardless of the law; or were you speeding while rushing to get someone to the hospital to save their life? The intent of the first is sinful, while the intent of the second—double effect—was to save a life even though a law was broken. Clear as mud? Good.
We studied these things in seminary, but seminary is like drinking from a fire hydrant… for three years. Some of it sticks, some of it makes an impression (the details all lost), and some… well I’m still finding things in the Bible that I would swear were not there the day before. The study and implications of GOD are without end.
I should have kept my mouth shut, for my boasting yesterday (stating that I was catching on to the flow of the service) came back and bit me today. Two and a half hours of prayer this morning and I couldn’t tell you a word that was said! Got lost on the opening sentence and never found my way back into the service. And cheers to having the service in the vernacular!! I know the fellas don’t much care for our favorite Queen, but thank you Elizabeth and all the rest for insisting on the language of the service be the language of the people. Even though I did not understand, I felt the service did my soul good, but how much more so if I had been able to truly read / hear the very words of God. This is NOT a knock against what they do here, for Latin is their language for worshiping the One True God. For some, worshipping in Latin may be a source of pride, but not for the fellas here; it is simply who they are. You will not even be considered for admittance to this monastery until you are able to read, write, and speak Latin.
Off to Sext (early afternoon prayers). More later.
One thing that I’ve known about myself is that I am a Pharisee… to the core. I like my phylacteries long, the good seats, my Mazda, AC set at dang near freezing, 18 year old scotch, a comfortable chair, a kitten sleeping on my face… One thing that I’ve known about myself is that I am spoiled. There I’ve said it and confessed it. I’m not entirely sure what to do about it and I’m not entirely sure that I would follow through in doing it if I did. For these and all my other sins for which I do not now remember…
The brothers are very quiet. Very little talking, but yesterday, as I was walking the halls, I encountered just about all of them. They were filing outdoors, two-by-two, chattering and laughing like a bunch of school kids. I do not know their private schedule, but I’m guessing this was a Sunday afternoon treat where (if they had any… I’m one to talk) they were letting their hair down. It was a joy to see this side of them and to know that behind the discipline and obedience to the rule, they are ‘regular folks’ who want to connect with others and be… heard? Today, all of their free time has been consumed with Latin class (I guess you can never learn enough of that one!)
Now, about Queen Elizabeth: we continue the lunchtime reading of this dark woman and the atrocities she committed against the Irish. “Father forgive me…”, but I must say, I find myself sitting at lunch getting defensive! The Blessed Virgin Mary is my Mother and my Queen, but I want to set these boys straight on some of their history, particularly about our Elizabeth. I mean seriously, who was it that “took a bath”, the English or the Spanish Armada? Take that! (If any of them are reading this, I may not make it out of here alive. If I am simply taken hostage, do not pay the ransom. We shall not satisfy their thirst for blood or coin!…. now he’s just being silly.)
Reading: Interpreting Jesus by N.T. Wright, a brief overview of Thomas Aquinas’ Summa Theologica, The Book of the Prophet Isaiah, and Four Past Midnight by Stephen King. “One of these things is not like the other…”
I need to get started on the Sunday sermon… I have an idea.
Staying unplugged for even a day is trying, which means it is a good thing; however, I do check my text messages once a day for a message from the Cat Resort, because they send me a daily picture of the other Queen in my life. Yeah… she’s cute! In the process of looking for this message, I saw an email come through which I could not resist…
As some of you know, I have been accepted to begin my studies with the Anglican Order of Preachers (aka: The Dominicans) and the reading list for the first term arrived today. Not too heavy, not too lite. Definitely looking forward to it. This is a three year process. More on that at another time, but I’ll be posting about it all the way through.
I made it through Mattins, Lauds, Low Masses, Prime, breakfast, and… two hour nap. My goodness these fellas can pray. Today it all started with a 4 a.m. alarm and we were in the pews by 4:50 a.m. Mattins on Sunday is especially long with at least fifteen to twenty Psalms recited (I’ll have to count them up).
I actually did much better at keeping up with the service. I pace myself reading the English version while listening to the monks chant. I did get a bit lost in the Third Nocturn of Mattins (we were about an hour and a half in at that point), so I finished reading the English and then sat back and let the chanting sweep over me. You would think that the chanting would put you to sleep, but there is a ‘hum’ to it that enters the body and soul. Not irritating… somehow narrows and focuses the mind.
Prior to Mattins, I read Book One, Chapter Eighteen of The Imitation of Christ: the Examples of the Holy Fathers. A part of which reads: Oh, how great was the fervor of all religious in the beginning of their holy institution! Oh, how great was their devotion in prayer! How great their zeal for virtue! What great discipline was in force among them! What great reverence and obedience in all, flourished under the rule of a superior!
I am not so naive as to think that these fellas are perfect or that they don’t struggle with the same daily issues as the rest of us. It is just that they are outward and visible signs of intentional obedience to God’s commands and it is fascinating to witness. For example, they sit in the choir so we see all the movements. Early in the morning, the younger members’ heads bob up and down trying to stay awake, and when any makes a mistake (whether in pronunciation of the Latin, chanting a wrong verse, moving at the wrong time) the individual monk will stop, step forward, and briefly kneel as an act of penance. Is pronouncinginstificationibus a sin? Lord, I pray not!, but for them, they missed the mark—“He who aims for the stars shoots higher than he who aims for the trees.” I believe many aim for the stars… I know that many of you do, perhaps its just that we’ve got different constellations we’re shooting at.
Sunday… there was meat for lunch!
I went for that walk with her today. (I’ll work on my handwriting.)
The I become Him
The we become You
The circles are not rippling out, but in. We must pass through the excess, the noise, the ego…. so that we become Him. As I (we) individually become [in] Him (Jesus), then corporately (we) become You (plural / Holy Trinity). We have lost our focus. I’ll work on the sermon version (give you a heads up as to when I’m planning to preach it so that you can stay home.)
There wasn’t a place to add this above, but I wanted to mention the soup we had last night for supper. It was cold milk. Milk served in a soup pot and ladled into soup bowls. Yep. Milk. Trust me: I had a few Dots Pretzels when I got back to my room.
These are the icons in four of the side altars. The other four altars are windows:
Following None (the 3:00 p.m. time of prayer), there was Benediction of the Blessed Sacrament. Time with the Real Presence of Jesus.
I want you to know that I prayed deeply and passionately for St. Matthew’s today. I think that is where her message came from. I prayed for my soul and the soul of St. Matthew’s to become Jesus. Just as the Real Presence was on the altar during Benediction, I want for us to become a Living Sacrament, the Real Presence of Jesus in our community. We have work to do, but it is the Lord’s work and He will see it through. Someone say, Amen!
Up at 4:30 a.m. this morning. Showered, dressed (cassock), and in the chapel by 5 a.m. We prayed until 8:15 a.m. After the first two times of prayer—Mattins and Lauds—it was time for Low Masses. This one was completely new to me. There are a total of ten altars (let the Altar Guild beware!) and a Mass was said at each of them simultaneously, but… they were said silently (either that or my hearing is really shot.) If you think we bow and kneel a lot… wow. It is truly beautiful to watch and listen to, which is about all I can do, although I’m beginning to learn how to follow along in the various books. It also helps to sit behind someone who knows what they are doing. (Although we in the Episcopal Church do less of the bowing, etc. I am certain that for someone new to us it feels the same way as I feel here. It is an excellent reminder that we must be who we are, but we also be accessible to those who are unfamiliar with our practices.)
Breakfast: the food is actually pretty good, but it is easy to see why these fellas are all so skinny. Actually, they’re probably just really healthy. I don’t know that we’ve seen a piece of meat yet, which makes me glad I stopped for the Big Mac on the way here (there’s meat in a Big Mac… right?) And I do confess to having smuggled in a few snacks, along with some instant coffee. Speaking of which, the coffee here is brilliant! I plan on seeing if they have some for sale in the bookstore.
During each of the meals we have someone read to us. For breakfast we heard a few chapters from the Rule of St. Benedict. Lunchtime… now that was fun: I doubt it was for my benefit, but being the only Anglican / Episcopalian here I had to stifle a few chuckles. The reading was a bit of church history and we heard about that excommunicated apostate and heretic Queen Elizabeth I. Her daddy got raked over a few coals as well. I think it was just a timing thing—can’t see them hauling that one out just to smack the heretic priest around—but I could almost feel the eyes boring into me. When the Abbot shook his head at one particular Elizabethan atrocity, I made sure I had a clear path to the exit. If I see them stacking wood, I’ll be making an early exit.
I have a fifteen decade rosary that I prayed today, most of it standing before this statue. (She could easily be the statue in The GoldenFistula. Truly beautiful and cut from a single piece of white marble.) Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do as a priest serving at St. Matthew’s, but to spend an hour and a half praying the rosary is not something I would ever be able to do… and you know… that’s OK. I’m going to find some time today or tomorrow and take a walk with her. She always shows us the most remarkable things and always leads us to her Son. What a great comfort to know we have a Mother who loves and treasures us as she loves and treasures her own Son.
It is 4:15 p.m. right now and Vespers is not until 6:00 p.m., so I’m going to sign off for now and either sneak in that nap or take that walk… be back a bit later in the day…….
The nap won, but I made it up in time for Vespers. Supper, then Compline.
Found a delightful book: Sermon in a Sentence: A Treasury of Quotations on the Spiritual Life by St. Padre Pio of Pietreclina. A bit like the collection of sayings from St. Josemaria Escriva in The Way, et al.
“I hope that Jesus will not only be pleased to enlighten me in the guidance of the souls He entrusts to my care and to sustain and comfort me in difficulties, but that He will Himself make up for my deficiencies.” (L1 1369)
Blessings to you all. I pray for you many times each day.
After watching the Brothers and their praying, those were my first two initial thoughts about myself. Perhaps a bit harsh. Maybe a little truth.
I arrived at the Clear Creek Monastery today around 3 p.m. was greeted by a very kind, very soft spoken Brother. He helped me with my bags (more books than clothes), showed me the basic layout, and then was off to attend other monk duties.
I say ‘monk’, because these fellas are the real deal. Most shocking aspect so far… most of them are very young. I had really expected there to be about eight older men, mostly hunched over. Wrong. There are fifty-four professed monks who spend their lives living, working, and mostly praying in this one place. The simplicity is desirable… I’ll keep you posted on that as I spend more time here. My soul says, “I want to do this!” But my mind says, “Hang on there fat boy.” I have a small home and I like it, but I would imagine that the monks ‘cells’ make my room here look like a mansion. Very sparse, but everything you need. When you are expected to spend your life in prayer, you don’t need much.
Of prayer: I’ve attended Vespers and Compline. The service is entirely sung and is all in Latin, so I just listen. Not a bad thing. It is exactly what you think it would sound like.
Just prior to supper, I was introduced to the Abbot. He washed my hands… yeah. Nothing to add…
Alright, it is 9:33 p.m. and you all are probably just getting started with your evening, but I’m off to bed. The day around here starts pretty early. The first service tomorrow is at 5:15 a.m. I keep looking at the schedule to see when we get nap time, but it doesn’t appear they have plans for that. I’m guessing I’ll work it out.
There is no WiFi and I’ve got one bar on my phone. It may take all night for this to upload…
The Lord bless you all and keep looking for miracles.
A passenger on an ocean liner was enduring a rough Atlantic crossing. As he leaned over the rail, his face a shade of green, a steward came along and tried to encourage him: “Don’t be discouraged, sir! No one’s ever died of seasickness yet!” The nauseous passenger looked up at the steward with horror and said, “Don’t say that! It’s only the hope of dying that’s kept me alive this long!”
Hope. In The Forresters, Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote, “Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, Whispering ‘it will be happier’…”
Clearly, Tennyson never heard of 2020. But then, hope is complicated, because we hope for so many different things: death in the midst of being seasick, a new job, better world, sushi for lunch, relationships, peace, cure for cancer… the list is inexhaustible, and it is not a bad thing. Hope is what drives us for something better. It brings joy, stimulates the imagination, props us up even on the dark days. It is not a bad thing, but it can also be unreasonable. (For example, I’ve mostly gotten over the hope having a date with Scarlett Johansson, but… one never knows.) Do we always get what we hope for? According to Mick Jagger and The Rolling Stones:
“You can’t always get what you want But if you try sometime you find You get what you need.”
Unfortunately, that’s not always true either. There are those times when we don’t get what we want, what we hope for and we don’t get what we need. But even then, we do not stop hoping and we never should. John Paul II said, “I plead with you–never, ever give up on hope, never doubt, never tire, and never become discouraged. Be not afraid.” There can always be hope, for there is only one place where all hope dies. Dante tells us about it in Inferno: the inscription over the gates of hell:
“Through me you enter the city of woe, Through me you pass into eternal pain, Through me you join the godforsaken tribe. Justice moved my exalted Creator:
By the divine power was I erected, And by supreme wisdom and primal love. Before I was made nothing had been made But things eternal, and I too am such. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!”
Hell is the end of hope and I pray that it is something that none of us ever experiences (although some of you should consider confession), but until we enter the final destination—heaven—we will hope. So then, we hope, but where is our hope placed?
The people had discovered where Jesus had gone off to and followed him out into that deserted place. They stayed late. Listening. Being healed. Simply wanting to be near him. The day was coming to a close, so the disciples told Jesus to tell the crowd that it was supper time and they needed go find something to eat. Jesus said, You feed them. The responded, We don’t have enough and we can’t afford more. Jesus response, Just feed them. There’ll be enough. Turns out, there was more than enough. This took place in chapter fourteen of Matthew’s Gospel. It will take place again in chapter fifteen, yet, in John’s Gospel, Jesus is reported to have said to the crowds, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you are seeking me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves.” Where was the hope of the people placed? In Jesus or in supper? According to John, it was supper.
Early this week I read a blog post by Niel Knoblauch. His blog is called the Barefoot Ascent. Niel grew up and lived in South Africa, but he and his wife now live in the United Kingdom. Niel’s most recent blog entry is called “The Weight of Hope”, and after reading it, I knew I wanted to share it with you, so I wrote to him and asked for permission. He was kind enough to agree.
Like all of us, Niel has hopes, but there was one particular thing that he had been hoping and faithfully praying for. He knows that God is good, so he had faith that God would answer his prayer. Yet, even after praying for this one thing—for almost a decade—he had still not received it, which led him to be disappointed in God. Yes, disappointed in God, but then it hit him. He was convicted and writes, “I have placed the weight of my hope on what I wanted instead of placing it on Him… I’ve placed my trust in what I wanted and placed the question mark on God’s love and goodness, rather than placing my trust in God and the question mark (the discretion of whether this is what is good for me right now) on what I wanted.” His hope was on the thing and the sign of God’s goodness was whether or not God fulfilled that hope.
The multitudes who had been following Jesus around: perhaps, at first, they followed him for who he is, but that later changed to what he could do for them. In his blog post, Niel asked, “Has God’s goodness been on trial in your heart?” For the multitude, the answer was, Yes. I hope he will feed us supper again. I hope he will heal me. I hope that he will be the leader who gives us freedom… because, if he does these things, then he will really prove to us that he loves us. They placed the weight of their hope on what they wanted instead of placing the weight their hope on Him.
Hope is complicated, so we as a Christian people must remind ourselves of where our hope should be directed, because hope is not only an expression of our desires and our wants, Hope is also a person. St. Paul begins his first letter to Timothy by saying, “Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by command of God our Savior and of Christ Jesus our hope, To Timothy, my true child in the faith.” (1 Timothy 1:1-2a) “…by command of God our Savior and of Christ Jesus our hope.” Jesus is hope incarnate, hope made man.
Yes. We have hopes and dreams, but our true hope, above all else, is Christ Jesus. My friend Thomas à Kempis writes, “The wise lover [of God] regards not so much the gift of Him Who loves as the love of Him Who gives. He regards the affection of the Giver rather than the value of the gift, and sets his Beloved above all gifts. The noble lover does not rest in the gift but [the Lord who is] above every gift.” (The Imitation of Christ, Book 3, Chapter 6) The Giver, our Hope, Jesus is the one that we seek. The fact that he feeds us, clothes us, gives us those good things we desire… I would say those things are secondary, but the truth is, they aren’t even on the list. The weight of our hope is what lies behind Jesus’ words, “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Seek God and then consider the Lillies of the field.
Niel writes that seeking God’s kingdom first, “is part of what it means to surrender the control of our lives to God; to die to ourselves, so that we may live in Him and He may live in us; to really and truly follow Jesus. And it starts with putting the weight of our hope – of all our hopes and dreams – on Him. It starts with trusting Him with the most precious treasures hidden in the deepest places of our soul. It’s vulnerable and it’s messy. You see, only the One who made you, only the One who knows the depths of who you are better than you do yourself, are worthy and able to carry the weight of your most cherished hopes.”
So, consider Niel’s question: “Has God’s goodness been on trial in your heart?” Are you hoping in things that will pass away or are you hoping in the one who is Hope? Turn your love, affections and desires to God, offer them to him, then allow Him to give, to respond to your hopes and dreams according to His eternal purposes.
Let us pray: You, O Lord our God, are above all things. You alone are most high, most powerful, sufficient and satisfying. You alone most sweet, consoling, beautiful and loving. You alone are most noble, glorious and above all things. In You is every perfection. Therefore, whatever You give us besides Yourself is too small and insufficient when we do not see and fully enjoy You alone. For our hearts cannot rest or be fully content until, rising above all gifts and every created thing, we rest in You. Amen. (adapted from The Imitation of Christ, Book 3, Chapter 21)
It was Sunday morning and Harry pulled out of his driveway in his 2-seater convertible, with the roof closed because of the pouring rain, and headed for church. As he turned onto the main road he saw ahead of him three people at the bus stop, huddled under a single umbrella. One was Mrs. Fletcher who still insisted on getting to church by herself, despite her arthritis. There was Dr. Jones, the local General Practitioner. Harry virtually owed him his life after the Doctor had diagnosed a rare disease. And the third person was Judith. Harry saw Judith for the first time six months before when she had joined the church and had a crush on her ever sense. Only problem, he never plucked up the courage to ask her out. He knew he had to do something, but maybe had less than three seconds to decide what. There was only one spare seat. Who should he offer a ride? Three seconds were enough. What did he do? He pulled to a halt, jumped out, passed the keys to Dr. Jones, helped Mrs. Fletcher into the passenger seat then waved them good-bye as he huddled close to Judith under the umbrella. Some decisions are easier than others. For the more difficult ones, we can seek what we call “the will of God.”
Before I jump off on this topic and just as a warning: I often joke about reading St. Paul’s writings. They can be very confusing at times. This sermon, in the words of many a rednecks—“Hold my beer.” Let’s see if I can avoid that confusion.
Recently, I’ve been wrestling with the meaning of “the will of God,” and I’ve concluded that it ultimately has to do with the sovereignty of God. So let’s begin there.
The sovereignty of God states that the Lord is in control of all things: omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent: all knowing, all powerful, and all present. Because a butterfly flapped its wings in Tibet, two weeks later a tornado occurs in Kansas. The sovereignty of God states that not only did God cause the butterfly to flap its wings, but God knew, before the creation of the world, that it would, and cause all prior and subsequent events, and he was there when Toto landed in Oz. All of it and everything in between. Perhaps it is a bit more complicated than that, but you get the point. God’s sovereignty places everything in his hands and under his dominion.
It is within this sovereignty of God that the will of God is executed. The will of God is the action or expression of the sovereignty of God. Sovereign is who God is and his will is what God does, which all leads back to the question I’ve been wrestling with: we often say that we want to know the will of God for my life, but I’ve come to the conclusion that the will of God isn’t “personalized” in such a manner. Which means, we can’t really say things like, “The will of God for my life is to be a priest, a barber, to get married, to live here, etc.” Instead there is only “The Will” of God—capital “T”, capital “W”, and we are participants in that Will. So, if that’s true—and maybe all this is heresy—then what is it? If there is only The Will of God, then what is that Will?
The Lord states through the prophet Ezekiel, “I have no pleasure in the death of anyone… so turn and live.” (Ezekiel 18:32) St. Paul restates this in his first letter to Timothy: God our Savior “desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.” (1 Timothy 2:4) The Will of God—not for my life, but The Will of God—period—is for us to have eternal life in Him, and we know that he has provided the Way to that eternal life through the death and resurrection of his One and Only Son, Jesus. That is God’s Will: eternal life in Him. So the question then becomes, if we are participants, then how do we rightly participate in that Will?
My friend, St. Josemaría Escrivá writes: “You and I belong to Christ’s family, for ‘he himself has chosen us before the foundation of the world, to be saints, to be blameless in his sight, for love of him, having predestined us to be his adopted children through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his Will’…’this is the Will of God: your sanctification’. Let us not forget, then, that we are in our Master’s sheepfold in order to achieve that goal.” (Friends of God, no.2)
We rightly participate in The Will of God through our faith in Jesus Christ and the process of participation is our sanctification. Our goal, which flows from our faith in Jesus, is to become saints. Yes, we are called to be saints, we’ve talked about this before, understanding that, in this life, our halo might not always look so great. Nelson Mandela said it of himself, “I am not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying.”
Sanctification, becoming a saint, is a process, a process that we never tire of striving for. God’s Will is that we come to faith in His Son and that we strive for sanctification. But… couldn’t he have made this process of sanctification a tad easier?
In the context of the parable today about the wheat and weeds: why didn’t the master order the weeds pulled up? And in Jesus explanation of that parable: why didn’t God simply remove the evil once it appeared? Was it that he couldn’t? Not at all. He is sovereign even over the evil one, for regardless of whether the weeds grow amongst the wheat, the Garden is still his. In His sovereignty, God could have removed evil, but instead, he allowed it to remain. Why?
Abba Poemen said of Abba John the Dwarf that he had prayed God to take his passions away [to take away the evil] from him so that he might become free from care. He went and told an old man this: ‘I find myself in peace, without an enemy,’ he said. The old man said to him, ‘Go, beseech God to stir up warfare so that you regain the affliction and humility that you used to have, for it is by warfare that the soul makes progress.’ So he besought God and when warfare came, he no longer prayed that it might be taken away, but said, ‘Lord, give me strength for the fight.’
Yes. God could have removed the evil, but those who seek sanctification, need it. We don’t become physically strong by sitting in the Lay-Z-Boy and eating bonbons. We become physically strong by exercising, exerting ourselves, and we become strong in our faith by fighting against the evil. It contributes to perseverance in faith, it can serve as correction for when we are disobedient, it causes us to turn to God in seeking care and protection and forgiveness, it is a part of free will, because just as we are free to choose the righteous, we are also free to choose the evil, and it also serves God’s purposes even when we fail, for it keeps us humble. Paul writes, “To keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’” (2 Corinthians 12:7-9a) The evil is in no way celebrated, but it is a tool in the process of our sanctification. It is what makes us stronger as we fight against it. And in the end, holiness returns to all creation: “Just as the weeds are collected and burned up with fire, so will it be at the end of the age. The Son of Man will send his angels, and they will collect out of his kingdom all causes of sin and all evildoers, and they will throw them into the furnace of fire, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father.”
The fella standing under the umbrella with Judith, watching the Doctor drive Mrs. Fletcher to church: the sovereignty of God puts everything in its proper place, he aligns the world according to his purposes. We exercise our free will through our choices and actions. If we do so rightly, by resisting the evil and working towards our sanctification, then at the end of the age, we, the righteous, the sanctified will shine like the sun in the Kingdom of Our Father.
Let us pray: Most holy Trinity, Godhead indivisible, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Our first beginning and our last end, You have made us In accord with your own image and likeness. Grant that all the thoughts of our minds, All the words of our tongues, All the affections of our hearts, And all the actions of our being May always be conformed to your holy Will. Thus, after we have seen here below in appearances And in a dark manner by means of faith, We may come at last to contemplate you face-to-face In the perfect possession of you Forever in heaven. Amen.
Candle in a Cave 