Category: Sermons

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Sermon: Epiphany 6 RCL A – “Nibbling”

Have you ever wondered why particular warning labels were placed on products? For example:

On a baby stroller: Remove child before folding.

On a jet ski: Never use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level.

On a box of rat poison: Warning – has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.

On an iron: Do not use while wearing shirt.

Hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

Fishing hook: Harmful if swallowed.

And not to be outdone: The letter opener – Safety goggles recommended. I will probably put my eye out tomorrow with a letter opener for saying this, but if you have to wear safety goggles while using a letter opener, then you’ve got bigger problems than going blind. Continue reading “Sermon: Epiphany 6 RCL A – “Nibbling””

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Sermon: Epiphany 5 RCL A – “Salt”

A little old Jewish lady sells pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young man leaves his office building at lunch time, and as he passes the pretzel stand, he leaves her a quarter, but never takes a pretzel. He doesn’t like them, but wants to support the lady and her business. Even though he is faithful in giving, the young man and the woman never exchange a word. This goes on for more than three years, each day, dropping in a quarter, but never taking a pretzel or speaking.  One day, as the young man passes the lady’s stand and leaves his quarter as usual, the pretzel lady finally speaks to him.  “Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has gone up to 35 cents.” Continue reading “Sermon: Epiphany 5 RCL A – “Salt””

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Sermon: Dr. Martin Luther King Celebration at St. Stephen’s AME Church

Brown Chapel AME Church is located in Selma, Alabama and was the starting point for the Selma-to-Montgomery marches, a distance of about 54 miles, which were attempting to bring attention to the disparities in voting rights.

The first of those marches ended on March 7, 1965, at the Edmund Pettus Bridge, only six blocks from the Brown Chapel, when the organizers and participants were attacked by police and bystanders. That day became known as Bloody Sunday, but it did not stop the marches. A second attempt, with Dr. King and 2,000 others was attempted on March 9, but a federal restraining order had been issued prohibiting the march, so Dr. King and the others stopped at the Edmund Pettus Bridge, once again met by police, knelt and prayed, then returned to Brown Chapel in order to prevent another bloody attack on those marching. Continue reading “Sermon: Dr. Martin Luther King Celebration at St. Stephen’s AME Church”

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Sermon: Epiphany 4 RCL A – “Blessed are You!”

After listening to this Gospel reading, don’t you think Jesus needs to get with the program? Seriously? Blessed are the poor. I don’t know that I’ve ever been poor, but I have been broke and that didn’t feel too blessed. I think a rewrite is in order for this particular passage of scripture. Maybe something like:

Blessed are the rich and famous, because they can always get a seat at the best restaurants.

Blessed are the good-looking, for they shall get to hang out with the Kardashians.

Blessed are those who take first place, for they shall have momentum going into the play-offs.

Blessed are the movers and shakers, for they shall be elected president.

Blessed are those who demand their rights, for they shall not be overlooked.

Blessed are the healthy and fit, because they don’t mind being seen in a bathing suit.

Yes. A rewrite is definitely in order. Continue reading “Sermon: Epiphany 4 RCL A – “Blessed are You!””

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Sermon: Epiphany 2 RCL A – “Held Captive”

Some of you had the opportunity to meet Dumb Dumb. He was my big white standard poodle. I call him Dumb Dumb, be he showed moments genius, like the time I had him up at the church I served in Billings. It was midnight Christmas Eve mass. I’m reading the Gospel of shepherds, when I hear the very distinctive tinkling of his tags. It’s then that he trots into the sanctuary, sits down directly in front me (while I’m reading), and says, “Hey. What’s up?” However, some of his other achievements suggest that there wasn’t a lot going on upstairs. For example, it took a hot cup of coffee to free him from a fence post after he decided to lick it when it was minus 16 degrees. And then there was the time I was doing some home improvements. For six weeks I had the kitchen blocked off with a piece of plywood to keep the dust down and for six weeks, more than once a day, in fact, many times a day, every day, the daffy dog would charge around the corner and crash into that piece of plywood. He just could not remember that it was there. Continue reading “Sermon: Epiphany 2 RCL A – “Held Captive””

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Sermon: Julia Chester Emery / United Thank Offering

In 1517, Martin Luther nailed his ninety-five theses to the church door in Wittenburg, Germany. In 1521, he was excommunicated from the church. What followed was a war between the protestants and the Roman Emperor who was in support of the Roman Catholic church. These wars claimed many lives, but peace was somewhat established in 1555 with the settlement known as the Peace of Augsburg, a part of which stated that the local German princes would have say over the religious preference of their individual realms, of which there were 224. This relative peace lasted for about 65 years until Ferdinand II was elected Holy Roman Emperor. Once elected, he tried to impose his Roman Catholic beliefs on everyone, which caused revolts in the German protestant north and was the spark that in 1618 ignited the 30 Years War in Europe. By the end, in 1648, the war had claimed some 8 million victims. Continue reading “Sermon: Julia Chester Emery / United Thank Offering”

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Sermon: Christmas Feria – “Whatever is…”

Dr. Edward Miller was the Dean of the Medical Faculty at the medical school and CEO of the hospital of Johns Hopkins University, and he conducted a study on those who have had heart surgery in order to eliminate various heart conditions related to poor lifestyle choices.

His study stated that there are approximately 2,000,000 bypass and angioplasty surgeries per year in the United States at an approximate cost $120,000 each. Of those, only half of the patients will remain healthy for more than a year. Why? Because 8 out of 9 of them will not change their diet, exercise, etc. that got them into that condition in the first place. What is Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity: “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Continue reading “Sermon: Christmas Feria – “Whatever is…””

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Sermon: Christmas Day RCL A – “Light”

Bilbo Baggins, in J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit, was stuck in the cave with Gollum and they began their riddling contest. After a few, Gollum put the following riddle to Bilbo:

“It cannot be seen, cannot be felt,
Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt,
It lies behind stars and under hills,
And empty holes it fills,
It comes first and follows after,
Ends life, kills laughter.”

Any guesses, My Preciouses? Continue reading “Sermon: Christmas Day RCL A – “Light””

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Sermon: Christmas Eve RCL A – “Hiding”

A telemarketer called a home one day and Little Johnny answered. In a small voice Johnny whispered, “Hello?” The telemarketer said, “Hello! What’s your name?” Still whispering, the voice said, “Johnny.” “How old are you, Johnny?” “I’m four.” “Good. Is your mother home?” “Yes, but she’s busy.” “Okay, is your daddy home?” “He’s busy too.” “I see, who else is there?” “The police.” “The police? May I speak with one of them?” “They’re busy.” “Any other grown-ups there?” “The firemen.” “May I speak with a fireman, please?” “They’re all busy.” “Johnny, all those people in your house, and I can’t talk with any of them? What are they doing?” With a little snicker and a bit too gleefully Johnny whispered, “Looking for me.” Continue reading “Sermon: Christmas Eve RCL A – “Hiding””

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