Category: Sermons

The audio version of the sermon can be found here.

You won’t like this story. You may even get mad at me for telling it:

There were two great rivals, both lovers of art and literature, Jerome and Sasha.  One day, while going through an antique shop, Jerome came across what he thought to be an authentic genie’s lamp, so paying for it he took it home.  After hiding himself in his office he began to rub the lamp and call to the genie.  Amazingly enough, after just a few moments a cloud of smoke billowed out of the spout and in the center of the cloud was a genie.  Jerome was elated.  The genie said to him, “I am here to grant you three wishes, but there is a catch, for everything I do for you, I will do twice for your greatest rival Sasha.”  Jerome thinks for a while and then says, “Fine.  For my first wish I would like to have an enormous house and in it the greatest collection of art in the world.”   The genie gives a nod and a wink and poof, all the great masterpieces are suddenly Jerome’s.”  A moment later the phone rings, it is Sasha. Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 10 RCL C – “Neighbors””

The Audio of the sermon can be found here.

A young woman was filling out an application to attend a very prestigious business school. After completing the normal name, address, social security number questions she began working her way through the essay questions. “Describe the most difficult situation you have had to overcome.” “Describe your method of problem solving.” All of these came with the directions, “Answer in less than 250 words;” however there was one question that she couldn’t come up with a good answer. She avoided it until the end, but finally had to tackle it: “Are you a leader?” Being both honest and conscientious, she eventually wrote one word for her 250 word answer: “Are you a leader?” “No.” She returned the application, expecting the worst. To her surprise, she received this letter from the college: “Dear Applicant: A study of the application forms reveals that this year our college will have 1,452 new leaders. We are accepting you because we feel it is imperative that they have at least one follower.” Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 9 RCL C – “Authentic Sign””

Daniel Webster was apparently quick with words from a very young age. One day Webster’s father, who was to be absent from home, left Daniel and his brother Ezekiel specific work instructions. But on his return he found the task still undone, and questioned his sons about their idleness. “What have you been doing, Ezekiel?” he asked. “Nothing, sir.” “Well, Daniel, what have you been doing?” “Helping Zeke, sir.”

Making excuses goes all the way back to the very first days of humankind. The Lord asked Adam, “‘Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?’  The man said, ‘The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit from the tree, and I ate.’  Then the Lord God said to the woman, ‘What is this that you have done?’ The woman said, ‘The serpent tricked me, and I ate.’” Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 8 RCL C – “Wild Horse””

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.” Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. “Did you say that?”, he hissed at the parrot.

“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”

The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”

“Moses,” replied the bird. Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 7 RCL C – “Afraid””

A young woman asked for an appointment with her pastor to talk with him about a besetting sin about which she was worried. When she saw him, she said, “Pastor, I have become aware of a sin in my life which I cannot control. Every time I am at church I begin to look around at the other women, and I realize that I am the prettiest one in the whole congregation. None of the others can compare with my beauty. What can I do about this sin?”

The pastor replied, “Mary, that’s not a sin, why that’s just a mistake!”

The stereoscope. I’ve never owned one, but I’ve seen and played with one. You may have also, but just didn’t know its name. The first one was invented in 1838. It looks a bit like a pair of binoculars with a stick running out the front of it and a bracket to place a card that has two images of the same setting side-by-side, but at just slightly different angles. By looking through the eyepieces at the photos, it plays a bit of a trick on the mind, making the image appear three dimensional. That little contraption has made quite a few advancements. Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 6 RCL C – “What do you see?””

A fella from Alaska was out deer hunting when a large grizzly bear charged him from about 50 yards away. The guy emptied his 7mm Magnum semi-automatic rifle into the bear and it dropped a few feet from him. The big bear was still alive so he reloaded and shot it several more times. The bear was just over 1,600 pounds. It stood 12′ 6′ high at the shoulder, 14′ to the top of his head. At the time, it was the largest grizzly bear ever recorded in the world.

Of course, the Alaska Fish and Wildlife Commission did not allow him keep it as a trophy, but the bear was stuffed and mounted, and placed on display at the Anchorage airport to remind tourists of the risks involved when in the wild. Based on the contents of the bears stomach, the Fish and Wildlife Commission established the bear had killed at least two humans in the 72 hours before it was killed including a missing hiker. Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 5 RCL C – “A Bear Comes a Calling””