Category: Sermons

In Mt. Vernon, Texas, Drummond’s Bar began construction on expansion of their building to increase their business.  In response, one of the local churches started a campaign to block the bar from expanding with petitions and prayers.  Work progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.  Afterwards, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about “the power of prayer,” until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church “was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.”  In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building’s demise.  The judge read through the plaintiff’s complaint and the defendant’s reply and at the opening hearing he commented, Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 12 RCL C – “Teach Us to Pray””

True story: In the early 1950’s an upholsterer from San Francisco was called into a doctor’s office to reupholster the chairs in the waiting room. As he discussed the chairs and options with the doctor, he said, “People don’t wear out chairs this way.” The problem: it was just the front edge of the chairs that were worn. Further back in the seat was just fine. Five years later, the same problem appeared.

It was in 1959 that Drs. Friedman and Rosenman began to put the pieces together. They had noticed an odd pattern shared by many of their patients, a pattern that centered on a “chronic sense of time urgency.” Patients showed irritability at being made to wait in line, had difficulty relaxing, and were anxious over delays. Obsessed with not wasting a moment, they spoke quickly, interrupted often, hurried those around them, and were forever rushing. Hence the waiting room chairs: the patients sat on the edge of their seats, nervously fidgeting at the arms of the chairs as they watched time tick by. Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 11 RCL C – “Stop Moving””

The audio version of the sermon can be found here.

You won’t like this story. You may even get mad at me for telling it:

There were two great rivals, both lovers of art and literature, Jerome and Sasha.  One day, while going through an antique shop, Jerome came across what he thought to be an authentic genie’s lamp, so paying for it he took it home.  After hiding himself in his office he began to rub the lamp and call to the genie.  Amazingly enough, after just a few moments a cloud of smoke billowed out of the spout and in the center of the cloud was a genie.  Jerome was elated.  The genie said to him, “I am here to grant you three wishes, but there is a catch, for everything I do for you, I will do twice for your greatest rival Sasha.”  Jerome thinks for a while and then says, “Fine.  For my first wish I would like to have an enormous house and in it the greatest collection of art in the world.”   The genie gives a nod and a wink and poof, all the great masterpieces are suddenly Jerome’s.”  A moment later the phone rings, it is Sasha. Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 10 RCL C – “Neighbors””

The Audio of the sermon can be found here.

A young woman was filling out an application to attend a very prestigious business school. After completing the normal name, address, social security number questions she began working her way through the essay questions. “Describe the most difficult situation you have had to overcome.” “Describe your method of problem solving.” All of these came with the directions, “Answer in less than 250 words;” however there was one question that she couldn’t come up with a good answer. She avoided it until the end, but finally had to tackle it: “Are you a leader?” Being both honest and conscientious, she eventually wrote one word for her 250 word answer: “Are you a leader?” “No.” She returned the application, expecting the worst. To her surprise, she received this letter from the college: “Dear Applicant: A study of the application forms reveals that this year our college will have 1,452 new leaders. We are accepting you because we feel it is imperative that they have at least one follower.” Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 9 RCL C – “Authentic Sign””

Daniel Webster was apparently quick with words from a very young age. One day Webster’s father, who was to be absent from home, left Daniel and his brother Ezekiel specific work instructions. But on his return he found the task still undone, and questioned his sons about their idleness. “What have you been doing, Ezekiel?” he asked. “Nothing, sir.” “Well, Daniel, what have you been doing?” “Helping Zeke, sir.”

Making excuses goes all the way back to the very first days of humankind. The Lord asked Adam, “‘Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?’  The man said, ‘The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit from the tree, and I ate.’  Then the Lord God said to the woman, ‘What is this that you have done?’ The woman said, ‘The serpent tricked me, and I ate.’” Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 8 RCL C – “Wild Horse””

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.” Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. “Did you say that?”, he hissed at the parrot.

“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”

The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”

“Moses,” replied the bird. Continue reading “Sermon: Proper 7 RCL C – “Afraid””